I should have known that as soon as I complained about being depressed or getting upset because of no job, the Lord swooped in once again and saved the situation!
Keith got a call on Friday from Regent University and they offered him the job! He is now the Academic Liaison for the undergraduate psychology department. It has a longer title, but I'm not sure what it is. They actually created a provisional position for him for the next 2 weeks, his real job starts on July 1st. They wanted to keep him from looking elsewhere for employment, so they created this position for him! Amazing! The position comes with a great many perks! We of course get benefits, but on top of that, Keith and I get free or discounted tuition. I can get my masters after all! And the one thing I'm the MOST excited for is that they reimburse for adoption! Keith and I have always wanted to adopt, its pretty important to us and its huge in Keith's family. We won't be able to adopt any time soon, but the thought that the reimbursement program is there is very exciting.
On top of the blessing of a job, we're moving out! We're moving to the house I grew up in on Smyrna Court. Justin Blizzard is moving in with us. It will be so nice to have "our own" place and we're excited, Keith especially, to have Justin living with us. He's like our brother, and whenever he would visit in the past, we always wished he would stay longer.
I found a job at a preschool for next year. Its a pretty sweet set up. I only work from 2:00 to 5:30 Monday through Friday and I get a monthly salary. There are 20 paid holidays and summers and weekends off, of course. I really didn't want to go back to work yet, but if we want to get ahead, like really ahead, I had to do something. Working with my mom wasn't working out because there weren't enough children to go around. I hope this is an easy job, I really hate the idea of not being with Indy all day, even though I still get to be with him in the morning. Maybe I can convince them that I want to only work M/W/F for the same salary? I dunno. It beats working Starbucks, where there is no set schedule, no weekends or holidays off...etc.
So things are looking up, finally! Thank God for teaching us patience and proving himself once again!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Dying in the Living Room.
Okay, we've been waiting for about a week and a half now to hear back from Regent university about Keith's position there. They called this morning asking him to come in and sign a statement of faith...what does that mean? Does he have the job? Is this just another loop to jump through?
I've been struggling lately...well, not just lately, I should say that I've always had a difficult time seeing "the big picture," "the silver lining," "the light at the end of the tunnel" and this situation has been no exception. I feel like almost every door has been shut with no window left open. Keith, the expert in spotting silver linings reminds me daily that, "things will get better...God didn't call us here just to abandon us all of a sudden." I know its true. But man, I wish I could see that silver lining.
In other news, Indiana is rolling over, eating carrots and laughing constantly. He's the best thing! I cannot imagine my life without him! I say that so often, and its always true.
My mother returned from a month-long visit to the Philippines to get her Bridge redone. I never want to travel overseas for dental work. Hopefully, we'll have dental insurance soon.
We saw Pixar's Up the other night. I CRIED! It was amazing. I really love movies and cinema and the preservation of film. But since having Indiana, we haven't really been to the movies that often, maybe 3 in the last 2 months?
I may have to go back to work for real. I tried to escape the reality of working by helping my mom out with childcare here at the house, but there aren't enough kids to go around. I feel guilty taking money from my mom if I'm still living with her, and eating her groceries, using her electricity...you know? Doesn't make sense. The ChaCha thing is burning me out. So I think I have to look for part time work for the summer or the fall...then again, it all depends on Regent! ARrghhHh!
here's a picture of me and my boy.
I've been struggling lately...well, not just lately, I should say that I've always had a difficult time seeing "the big picture," "the silver lining," "the light at the end of the tunnel" and this situation has been no exception. I feel like almost every door has been shut with no window left open. Keith, the expert in spotting silver linings reminds me daily that, "things will get better...God didn't call us here just to abandon us all of a sudden." I know its true. But man, I wish I could see that silver lining.
In other news, Indiana is rolling over, eating carrots and laughing constantly. He's the best thing! I cannot imagine my life without him! I say that so often, and its always true.
My mother returned from a month-long visit to the Philippines to get her Bridge redone. I never want to travel overseas for dental work. Hopefully, we'll have dental insurance soon.
We saw Pixar's Up the other night. I CRIED! It was amazing. I really love movies and cinema and the preservation of film. But since having Indiana, we haven't really been to the movies that often, maybe 3 in the last 2 months?
I may have to go back to work for real. I tried to escape the reality of working by helping my mom out with childcare here at the house, but there aren't enough kids to go around. I feel guilty taking money from my mom if I'm still living with her, and eating her groceries, using her electricity...you know? Doesn't make sense. The ChaCha thing is burning me out. So I think I have to look for part time work for the summer or the fall...then again, it all depends on Regent! ARrghhHh!
here's a picture of me and my boy.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Day by Day
This is a picture of what Indy and I usually look like throughout the day. He in his Jammy jams and me just looking rough.
I feel like I have several confessions to make...1/4 of my readers has deleted his blog so he's just going to miss out on the goods.
I have somewhat missed a life that starts every day with showering, dressing and make up-ing. I feel like that sort of life was easier because there was routine. I had to be at certain places at certain times. I had x number of minutes to eat lunch and then would be home at a certain time every day. I feel like now my days are sort of random, revolving around the alternate 'king' of my universe. Like McCarthy's saying, "Each the other's world entire." Indy is my life right now, and I'm pretty sure I'm a big chunk of his.
We've been talking about my return to work. We've just been in the rut for so long that if something doesn't change soon, we'll be on the fast track to destitution. I'm trying to find a job that has the least amount of responsibility as possible. Something where someone else can fill in for me if I can't make it to work that day, where nobody depends on me. I'm trying to avoid teaching and full time anything all together, but I feel like if I did work full time, it would be better for us.
My problem with working full time may be unwarranted. I find myself doubting that I'm doing a good job with Indiana. I feel like I'm impatient and get frustrated easily. I feel like if I were able to stay home with Indy, I would get more practice with him, I would get used to him, learn what he really needs. One of the problems with living in a house full of family members is that you don't get the privacy to struggle through your issues. I'm always worried that a family member will look at me during one of Indy's cry-fests and think I'm a bad parent. I mean, I love my family, but when you're trying to raise your own, its difficult to be living with your "old" family.
I keep praying for the Lord to show us his will, to help us to have patience and to give me extra grace to get through my days here at home. I love the Lord, He is always doing amazing things for us. I just need a lot of help.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The Jungle Book
Here is an excerpt from the Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling which Keith and I are reading aloud to Indiana, our little mancub.
The fire was burning furiously at the end of the branch, and Mowgli struck right and left round the circle, and the wolves ran howling with the sparks burning at their fur. At last there were only Akela, Bagheera, and perhaps ten wolves that had taken Mowgli's part. Then something began to hurt Mowgli inside him, as he had never been hurt in his life before, and he caught his breath and sobbed, and the tears ran down his face.
"What is it? What is it?" he said. "I do not wish to leave the Jungle, and I do not know what this is. Am I dying, Bagheera?"
"No, Little Brother, Those are only tears such as men use," said Bagheera. "Now I know thou art a man, and a man's cub no longer. The Jungle is shut indeed to thee henceforward. Let them fall, Mowgli. They are only tears." So Mowgli sat and cried as though his heart would break and he had never cried in all his life before.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Spit up is my new perfume.
Gross, I know but true.
I blog better when I write completely random thoughts in the form of a list. Here we go:
Yesterday, Keith and I saw a couple walking/biking on the street. By "walking/biking" I mean that the boy was very slooowly, riding his bike while the girl was speed walking next to him. And they were trying to hold hands. It was hilarious.
When I'm in a public place and I see a mom pushing a child in a stroller or cart, I try to imagine her at home with her child, having the same trials and small triumphs as I'm having. It sort of makes me feel better about trying to become a good mom and feeling that I'm working really hard at it.
I think I'd rather move into a bit of a crummy apartment in order to save up money for a moderately nice house. Although moving out of my parents house is going to take a few more months.
It's been so long since I've been shopping, I went into Forever 21 yesterday and realized that I was really old and should maybe start thinking about shopping for clothes elsewhere...I'm not really sure where late 20 to 30-somethings buy their clothes, but I'd imagine it's not the same place that a 16 year old does.
What the heck happened to Joaquin Pheonix?!? That's all I gotta say about that.
An average day for me goes something like this:
8:00- (or whenever Indy starts crying) Wake up, feed Indy
9:00- go down stairs and fix some breakfast- usually something having to do with eggs- helps nursing moms lose weight!
11:00- feed Indy
sit around with the kids and watch Kai Lan on Nickelodeon or PBS Kids or whatever.
12:30- eat lunch
Check the mail- usually the highlight of my day, so you all should mail me stuff.
2:00- feed Indy
2:20- Sam comes home, we usually fix a snack and then do dances in the kitchen and try to figure out how we're gonna make julia get the heeby jeebies. Then we watch either the food network or something we can just sit and make fun of. The latest was a Ken Burns documentary on Lewis and Clark.
4:00- Arianne usually comes by around this time. She sits reading a magazine and talks about how tired and sleepy she is, and I sit and agree about how tired and sleepy I am.
4:30 or so- Dad comes home and asks me about Indy. Mom starts cooking.
5:00- Feed Indy
6:00- Eat Dinner- sit around the table and talk about random things.
8:00-10:30 - Watch movies or episodes of something with Keith and Sam. Tonight we'll probably watch Ransom. We're trying to watch all the good/interesting movies Sam has never seen. Feeding Indy happens in here too.
We're usually in bed by 11:30 and I am always online. And we feed Indy every 3 to 3 & 1/2 hours so...
I saw an interview with Tom Hanks and learned that he collects Antique portable Typewriters. I have always loved typewriters, and thought, "Wow, what a cool collection.." so I decided I would try an acquire one- not a collection, just one. For my next birthday...or anniversary or whatever, I want this one. You have to be rich to be a true collector, they're normally upwards of $500. So this one on Craig's List is really a steal.
I blog better when I write completely random thoughts in the form of a list. Here we go:
Yesterday, Keith and I saw a couple walking/biking on the street. By "walking/biking" I mean that the boy was very slooowly, riding his bike while the girl was speed walking next to him. And they were trying to hold hands. It was hilarious.
When I'm in a public place and I see a mom pushing a child in a stroller or cart, I try to imagine her at home with her child, having the same trials and small triumphs as I'm having. It sort of makes me feel better about trying to become a good mom and feeling that I'm working really hard at it.
I think I'd rather move into a bit of a crummy apartment in order to save up money for a moderately nice house. Although moving out of my parents house is going to take a few more months.
It's been so long since I've been shopping, I went into Forever 21 yesterday and realized that I was really old and should maybe start thinking about shopping for clothes elsewhere...I'm not really sure where late 20 to 30-somethings buy their clothes, but I'd imagine it's not the same place that a 16 year old does.
What the heck happened to Joaquin Pheonix?!? That's all I gotta say about that.
An average day for me goes something like this:
8:00- (or whenever Indy starts crying) Wake up, feed Indy
9:00- go down stairs and fix some breakfast- usually something having to do with eggs- helps nursing moms lose weight!
11:00- feed Indy
sit around with the kids and watch Kai Lan on Nickelodeon or PBS Kids or whatever.
12:30- eat lunch
Check the mail- usually the highlight of my day, so you all should mail me stuff.
2:00- feed Indy
2:20- Sam comes home, we usually fix a snack and then do dances in the kitchen and try to figure out how we're gonna make julia get the heeby jeebies. Then we watch either the food network or something we can just sit and make fun of. The latest was a Ken Burns documentary on Lewis and Clark.
4:00- Arianne usually comes by around this time. She sits reading a magazine and talks about how tired and sleepy she is, and I sit and agree about how tired and sleepy I am.
4:30 or so- Dad comes home and asks me about Indy. Mom starts cooking.
5:00- Feed Indy
6:00- Eat Dinner- sit around the table and talk about random things.
8:00-10:30 - Watch movies or episodes of something with Keith and Sam. Tonight we'll probably watch Ransom. We're trying to watch all the good/interesting movies Sam has never seen. Feeding Indy happens in here too.
We're usually in bed by 11:30 and I am always online. And we feed Indy every 3 to 3 & 1/2 hours so...
I saw an interview with Tom Hanks and learned that he collects Antique portable Typewriters. I have always loved typewriters, and thought, "Wow, what a cool collection.." so I decided I would try an acquire one- not a collection, just one. For my next birthday...or anniversary or whatever, I want this one. You have to be rich to be a true collector, they're normally upwards of $500. So this one on Craig's List is really a steal.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Super DROOL!
That's what I was up to tonight while the superbowl was going on. I really can't watch football for some reason. I think it has to do with the fact that when I was in my 1st trimester of pregnancy, Keith watched football ALLL THE TIIIME and so it reminds me of being nauseated...kinda like Pavlov's dog...not that I'm a dog, but you know.
WIPEOUT on the other hand, I was sooo glad to see again.
Its time for me to comment on what I plan to do within the next year. I've managed to avoid it so far but i think the time has come to give some sort of prediction, or goal.
- I'd like to get back into all of my old clothes, considering how much money I spent on them.
- Be successful in my "Music for All Occasions" business that I talked about in my last blog
- Audition for the Virginia Opera and hopefully make it!
- Attend some performances at the Sandler Center...starting with The Durufle Requiem on February 22. I am SOO excited! Hopefully we'll have some cash flow and a sitter to be able to go.
- Become well rested.
- Establish a good routine for Indiana.
- Grow my hair out.
- Travel back to FL so Indy can meet his family there.
- Visit TX and do an eating tour- seriously, i really miss the food there! And get a Sarah Haircut!
- Blog more
- Read a lot
And of course the obvious ones, move out, get a new car and put together an amazing nursery for Indiana!
Speaking of- today we took Indy to church for the 2nd time. The first time, he did REALLY well, this time...eh...he kept grunting and screeching like a baby Ringwraith (LOTR, DERF!) As much as I thought I wouldn't be embarrassed in these situations, I felt my face getting hot and started blushing even though we were sitting against the back wall and only about 3 people could hear us. He was trying to poop, I guess.
I've been trying to read through The Jungle Books, but they're kind of boring. I wanted to familiarize myself with children's literature for Indiana's sake. I really hope he's literate, like really brainy and smart, committed to the pursuit of knowledge. But that's a lot of pressure to put on a 2 month old.
WIPEOUT on the other hand, I was sooo glad to see again.
Its time for me to comment on what I plan to do within the next year. I've managed to avoid it so far but i think the time has come to give some sort of prediction, or goal.
- I'd like to get back into all of my old clothes, considering how much money I spent on them.
- Be successful in my "Music for All Occasions" business that I talked about in my last blog
- Audition for the Virginia Opera and hopefully make it!
- Attend some performances at the Sandler Center...starting with The Durufle Requiem on February 22. I am SOO excited! Hopefully we'll have some cash flow and a sitter to be able to go.
- Become well rested.
- Establish a good routine for Indiana.
- Grow my hair out.
- Travel back to FL so Indy can meet his family there.
- Visit TX and do an eating tour- seriously, i really miss the food there! And get a Sarah Haircut!
- Blog more
- Read a lot
And of course the obvious ones, move out, get a new car and put together an amazing nursery for Indiana!
Speaking of- today we took Indy to church for the 2nd time. The first time, he did REALLY well, this time...eh...he kept grunting and screeching like a baby Ringwraith (LOTR, DERF!) As much as I thought I wouldn't be embarrassed in these situations, I felt my face getting hot and started blushing even though we were sitting against the back wall and only about 3 people could hear us. He was trying to poop, I guess.
I've been trying to read through The Jungle Books, but they're kind of boring. I wanted to familiarize myself with children's literature for Indiana's sake. I really hope he's literate, like really brainy and smart, committed to the pursuit of knowledge. But that's a lot of pressure to put on a 2 month old.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Music for All Occasions
Spread the word...I'm starting my Wedding/special occasion singing business this wedding season (spring). I've never really been paid to sing at anyone's wedding or funeral or debut or anything, but I'm going to start. I need your suggestions for songs that are normally sung at weddings, funerals, parties, or what have you. Here are some of the songs I already have down.
Love Songs
When You Say You Love Me
Deh Vieni Non Tardar
Misty
The Nearness of You
There is Love
From This Moment On
Unforgettable
Mushaboom
Our Love is Here to Stay
Sogno di Infanzia
Besame Mucho
The Best is Yet to Come
The Way You Look Tonight
Hymns
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Be Thou My Vision
How Great Thou Art
Amazing Grace
It is Well
Songs for Worship
Here is Love
Here I Am
In Christ Alone
Jesus is Lord
How Deep the Father's Love for Us
Bereavement
Prayer of St. Francis
Ave Maria
Our Father
Unforgettable
I'm at a loss as to how much to charge people. A friend of mine does this on the side, he's not a very good singer but says he makes a ton of money during wedding season because not everyone has musically talented friends like we do! He charges $200 for his services, an extra $100 if they want him at the rehearsal. This is a fixed rate for 1 song or 50! I feel like it's kinda steep! Anyway, I'm really hoping this takes off, because I really would like to use my degree in some way. I also love weddings.
Love Songs
When You Say You Love Me
Deh Vieni Non Tardar
Misty
The Nearness of You
There is Love
From This Moment On
Unforgettable
Mushaboom
Our Love is Here to Stay
Sogno di Infanzia
Besame Mucho
The Best is Yet to Come
The Way You Look Tonight
Hymns
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Be Thou My Vision
How Great Thou Art
Amazing Grace
It is Well
Songs for Worship
Here is Love
Here I Am
In Christ Alone
Jesus is Lord
How Deep the Father's Love for Us
Bereavement
Prayer of St. Francis
Ave Maria
Our Father
Unforgettable
I'm at a loss as to how much to charge people. A friend of mine does this on the side, he's not a very good singer but says he makes a ton of money during wedding season because not everyone has musically talented friends like we do! He charges $200 for his services, an extra $100 if they want him at the rehearsal. This is a fixed rate for 1 song or 50! I feel like it's kinda steep! Anyway, I'm really hoping this takes off, because I really would like to use my degree in some way. I also love weddings.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Completely Random
The corners of our bed frame are lethal. I have large bruises on my shins where I've run into them in the middle of the night. Or in the middle of the day...
I almost tripped walking into the house the other day and it would have been really terrible. And I can't stop thinking about how much pain i would be in if i actually did trip. In my mind I see myself with two missing teeth and a busted lip and it makes my skin crawl.
After my parents came home from the Philippines, we took down all of the Christmas decorations, including our real tree. My dad set it out on the curb in front of my brother-in-law's van which I've been driving. As I was walking out to the van to go to target, I reminded myself not to run over it, 10 seconds later I did.
When people are super heavy handed with their beliefs, it really turns me off to the person and the person's friends. That's kind of judgmental, but I'm just being honest...and completely random.
I secretly wish I was back in TX working again. I'm not sure if that's because I actually miss TX or because I miss making and spending money. Probably the latter.
I watched No Country for Old Men again the other day, and I really enjoy southern jargon. "This is a mess, ain't it sheriff?" "Mmmhmm...if it ain't, it'll do 'till the mess gets here."
I'm beginning to forget the names objects and have started fumbling and stuttering words. I think it's hormones. So I ask questions like, "Did you turn the thing down?" and expect people to know exactly what I'm talking about.
I've decided to buy this apron for my niece's 3rd birthday coming up in March! I can't wait!
You guys are the best.
I almost tripped walking into the house the other day and it would have been really terrible. And I can't stop thinking about how much pain i would be in if i actually did trip. In my mind I see myself with two missing teeth and a busted lip and it makes my skin crawl.
After my parents came home from the Philippines, we took down all of the Christmas decorations, including our real tree. My dad set it out on the curb in front of my brother-in-law's van which I've been driving. As I was walking out to the van to go to target, I reminded myself not to run over it, 10 seconds later I did.
When people are super heavy handed with their beliefs, it really turns me off to the person and the person's friends. That's kind of judgmental, but I'm just being honest...and completely random.
I secretly wish I was back in TX working again. I'm not sure if that's because I actually miss TX or because I miss making and spending money. Probably the latter.
I watched No Country for Old Men again the other day, and I really enjoy southern jargon. "This is a mess, ain't it sheriff?" "Mmmhmm...if it ain't, it'll do 'till the mess gets here."
I'm beginning to forget the names objects and have started fumbling and stuttering words. I think it's hormones. So I ask questions like, "Did you turn the thing down?" and expect people to know exactly what I'm talking about.
I've decided to buy this apron for my niece's 3rd birthday coming up in March! I can't wait!
You guys are the best.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I've been reading again...
The soft black talc blew through the streets like squid ink uncoiling along a sea floor and the cold crept down and the dark came early and the scavengers passing down the steep canyons with their torches trod silky holes in the drifted ash that closed behind them silently as eyes. Out on the roads the pilgrims sank down and fell over and died and the bleak and shrouded earth went trundling past the sun and returned again as trackless and as unremarked as the path of any nameless sisterworld in the ancient dark beyond.
from The Road pg 181 by Cormac McCarthy. Look into it.
I tried to read this aloud to myself, but it didn't sound the same as it did when I read it. Its pretty amazing so far.
from The Road pg 181 by Cormac McCarthy. Look into it.
I tried to read this aloud to myself, but it didn't sound the same as it did when I read it. Its pretty amazing so far.
Friday, January 9, 2009
"Trryyy it, you'll 'ike it!"
Olivia's Fishy recipe:
1 plastic fireman's hat
20 plastic fishies
2 milks
salt
pepper
baby beeeeeetttshhh (i dunno)
2 fish eyes
aseeee (chocolate wrapper)
stir and then karate chop with hands and enjoy!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
More about old times...
So regarding my last post. I'd like for you to venture with me to a world unlike any other- the world of my own mem'ries. In my last post, I mentioned to all 6 of you that Blizzard found a bunch of our old Live Journals. Firstly, I was wrong, Blizzard didn't find ANYTHING, Marco found them. Next, I want to draw your attention to two in particular. The first one is here where I foretell of events to come!
and this one, which I'll cut and paste because it's short enough and because I have a feeling you won't visit the link and it's just too funny NOT to read. This is from KEITH'S live journal:
thump thump thump
so my new thing is to beat my chest. today i did it after i finished a meal and again after a ascended my stairs. it gives me a feeling of potency and strength (with a slight nod to male dominance). i liked how i felt today during and after the beat(ings). this may become a fixure of my personality. if i do adopt this, i must be sure to use it discreetly, only when my heart tells me too. i will not kiss my bride then turn to beat my chest, BUT i could finish a good plate of food at the reception and give a little pound, just to state the fact that the food was there, and i dominated over it. secondly i will not do it for show, this is not a group event, this is about my sense of worth and dominance over my life territory. i also think that this will benefit my children, as they will have a dad who beats his chest on occasion, they will have an engrained belief of my superiority as a father over other fathers, just based off the fact that i have the gall to beat my chest after a particularly pleasing television program. everyone is saying to get in touch with your feminine side, but i feel a need to get in touch with my male side. *you can be sure my chest will be getting a good pounding after i post this*
I'm not sure I've told you all this, but after we got the sonogram that told us that Indiana was going to be a boy, Keith gave his chest a good thump, thump, thump.
This post is kind of a cheat because it's a post about older posts. I'll do better next time...
and this one, which I'll cut and paste because it's short enough and because I have a feeling you won't visit the link and it's just too funny NOT to read. This is from KEITH'S live journal:
thump thump thump
so my new thing is to beat my chest. today i did it after i finished a meal and again after a ascended my stairs. it gives me a feeling of potency and strength (with a slight nod to male dominance). i liked how i felt today during and after the beat(ings). this may become a fixure of my personality. if i do adopt this, i must be sure to use it discreetly, only when my heart tells me too. i will not kiss my bride then turn to beat my chest, BUT i could finish a good plate of food at the reception and give a little pound, just to state the fact that the food was there, and i dominated over it. secondly i will not do it for show, this is not a group event, this is about my sense of worth and dominance over my life territory. i also think that this will benefit my children, as they will have a dad who beats his chest on occasion, they will have an engrained belief of my superiority as a father over other fathers, just based off the fact that i have the gall to beat my chest after a particularly pleasing television program. everyone is saying to get in touch with your feminine side, but i feel a need to get in touch with my male side. *you can be sure my chest will be getting a good pounding after i post this*
I'm not sure I've told you all this, but after we got the sonogram that told us that Indiana was going to be a boy, Keith gave his chest a good thump, thump, thump.
This post is kind of a cheat because it's a post about older posts. I'll do better next time...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
2009, are ya outta your min(d)??
Man, I want to blog more after Justin found a bunch of our old LIVE JOURNALs! i can't believe it. I laughed a whole lot while reading my old entries and that's because I would just write every day even if I had no point in writing. I will admit, some of them are really boring, so I'll try to use discretion on this more "grown up" blog.
We had a smashing Christmas and New Year. Helped by the fact that I had Indy to celebrate with. He is just the best. I can't believe Keith and I have a family now. I take joy in doing little thing for Indiana. Even doing laundry, as all 4 of you know I hate doing.
Julia's New Year's Eve party was a little awkward for us older folks. Only awkward because neither Keith nor I, nor any of our friends (i think) were never really into going out and dancing. The most dancing I do is at weddings or at home, or rollerskating. We did though, discover a new form of dancing:
Techtonik Dance? We witnessed it firsthand at Julia's party and it made me want to go directly home and try it out:
We are so old that it completely confused us. It makes me tired and dizzy. I'll post more about New Year and the Holiday soon. I just wanted to get these little tidbits in with the hopes that in 5 years, Blizzy will find this blog and I can look back and laugh at how clever I once was.
We had a smashing Christmas and New Year. Helped by the fact that I had Indy to celebrate with. He is just the best. I can't believe Keith and I have a family now. I take joy in doing little thing for Indiana. Even doing laundry, as all 4 of you know I hate doing.
Julia's New Year's Eve party was a little awkward for us older folks. Only awkward because neither Keith nor I, nor any of our friends (i think) were never really into going out and dancing. The most dancing I do is at weddings or at home, or rollerskating. We did though, discover a new form of dancing:
Techtonik Dance? We witnessed it firsthand at Julia's party and it made me want to go directly home and try it out:
We are so old that it completely confused us. It makes me tired and dizzy. I'll post more about New Year and the Holiday soon. I just wanted to get these little tidbits in with the hopes that in 5 years, Blizzy will find this blog and I can look back and laugh at how clever I once was.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
4 lbs 1 oz.
I've never celebrated two numbers so much in my life. My son has finally reached the 4 lb mark, making it a little more of a possibility that he'll be home for Christmas.
As most of my avid readers know, we had our baby early. Six weeks early, he was born on Thanksgiving day at 7:07 am. I re-read my last post about nights alone and if I'll miss being by myself. Now that Indiana's been born, the hours just crawl by. I'm constantly alone, waiting until I can make it up to the hospital to see him again. And every time I see him, time just flies. He recognizes my voice, he smiles at me and seems to breathe me in when I hold him. I love him so much.
I was right about one thing, I really don't remember what life was like without little Indiana. I feel like he's always been here, that I was pregnant and admitted into the hospital forever ago. I never want to be without him.
As most of my avid readers know, we had our baby early. Six weeks early, he was born on Thanksgiving day at 7:07 am. I re-read my last post about nights alone and if I'll miss being by myself. Now that Indiana's been born, the hours just crawl by. I'm constantly alone, waiting until I can make it up to the hospital to see him again. And every time I see him, time just flies. He recognizes my voice, he smiles at me and seems to breathe me in when I hold him. I love him so much.
I was right about one thing, I really don't remember what life was like without little Indiana. I feel like he's always been here, that I was pregnant and admitted into the hospital forever ago. I never want to be without him.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Title to be added later...
As I sit here, in my compression hose and carpal tunnel hand brace, and as Keith is off at the movies watching RocknRolla without me, I can't help but feel as though I'm getting a glimpse into my future.
Don't get me wrong and don't worry, this is not going to be a post about how I am giving up the freedoms of being a young, married adult because of the upcoming birth of my first child...on the contrary. You see, I sometimes like spending nights alone. I must admit, if you were to rewind to exactly a year ago, and if I were in the exact same situation, I'd probably be very unhappy if not pretty depressed. Not only because I would be wearing compression hose and a hand brace for no reason, but because at that time I felt that I always had to be doing something. I always had to be with someone. I'm not sure that the imminent birth of Indiana is making me love alone time because I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I may not experience it for a while, or if I've just changed because of the pregnancy. Whether it's because I can't stand to be out late at night anymore, or that I can't sit through a movie in the theatre without running to the bathroom at least twice, I find that lately I've just preferred staying home and sometimes preferred even being alone.
"What do you do while you're alone?" you ask? Well, let me just tell you. About 30% of my alone time is spent reading online or in a book about different ailments I feel I'm suffering. Tonight, I tried to look up "quickened heartbeat" on a website called whattoexpect.com which is all about pregnancy. Half way through the search, I quit because I thought whatever I found would just make me more anxious thus quickening my heartbeat even further. 55% of my alone time is spent searching through old journals or gallon-sized zip lock bags full of pictures from the past. About a month ago, I hit the jackpot and found several ooollllddd pictures of all of us in college...at the pool, at Bennigan's (yeah, they're that old)...on the 1st day back from time spent apart. Lots of great memories. And still another chunk of my time is spent in front of the mirror, picking my face...gross, but true. I've found that my nose has even gained weight.
I wonder if in a year or so from tonight, I'll miss being alone...or if I won't even remember what life was without little Indiana.
Don't get me wrong and don't worry, this is not going to be a post about how I am giving up the freedoms of being a young, married adult because of the upcoming birth of my first child...on the contrary. You see, I sometimes like spending nights alone. I must admit, if you were to rewind to exactly a year ago, and if I were in the exact same situation, I'd probably be very unhappy if not pretty depressed. Not only because I would be wearing compression hose and a hand brace for no reason, but because at that time I felt that I always had to be doing something. I always had to be with someone. I'm not sure that the imminent birth of Indiana is making me love alone time because I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I may not experience it for a while, or if I've just changed because of the pregnancy. Whether it's because I can't stand to be out late at night anymore, or that I can't sit through a movie in the theatre without running to the bathroom at least twice, I find that lately I've just preferred staying home and sometimes preferred even being alone.
"What do you do while you're alone?" you ask? Well, let me just tell you. About 30% of my alone time is spent reading online or in a book about different ailments I feel I'm suffering. Tonight, I tried to look up "quickened heartbeat" on a website called whattoexpect.com which is all about pregnancy. Half way through the search, I quit because I thought whatever I found would just make me more anxious thus quickening my heartbeat even further. 55% of my alone time is spent searching through old journals or gallon-sized zip lock bags full of pictures from the past. About a month ago, I hit the jackpot and found several ooollllddd pictures of all of us in college...at the pool, at Bennigan's (yeah, they're that old)...on the 1st day back from time spent apart. Lots of great memories. And still another chunk of my time is spent in front of the mirror, picking my face...gross, but true. I've found that my nose has even gained weight.
I wonder if in a year or so from tonight, I'll miss being alone...or if I won't even remember what life was without little Indiana.
Monday, October 27, 2008
I'm not a blogger, I'm a mother
I keep visiting my own blog thinking that when i come here, i'll actually post something. So i decided this time that i'm actually going to do it.
As most of my avid readers know, I'm soon having a baby. He's due January 13th and we're naming him Indiana Matthew Ramos Krepcho. I already know that this is going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me. Right up there with marrying Keith. I just can't believe what pregnancy does to you. There have been so many weird changes and things that I've had to get used to being pregnant.
Keith has been amazing through it all. In the first few months, he treated me like a queen, he still does. Going out at night to buy me Schlotzky's or Twix bars. He's been reading and reading about what is happening with our baby from week to week, and a book called, On Becoming Baby Wise
(not a link). I am so glad to be having children with Keith. He seems to be so committed already to the idea and responsibility of fatherhood.
We've moved back to Va beach and are living with my parents which has been just amazing. Of course, we'd really love to be in our own place, but it just hasn't worked out that way. We've also been looking for a job for Keith, one with benefits and good pay. These things sort of keep me up at night because I get worried about how we'll survive once this baby is born. But I know, and it's been proven that God provides.
All I can think about is this baby and how much I love him already. I wonder what he'll look like, what his temperament will be, what he'll be interested in when he gets older. Who he'll marry. I can't wait!
As most of my avid readers know, I'm soon having a baby. He's due January 13th and we're naming him Indiana Matthew Ramos Krepcho. I already know that this is going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me. Right up there with marrying Keith. I just can't believe what pregnancy does to you. There have been so many weird changes and things that I've had to get used to being pregnant.
Keith has been amazing through it all. In the first few months, he treated me like a queen, he still does. Going out at night to buy me Schlotzky's or Twix bars. He's been reading and reading about what is happening with our baby from week to week, and a book called, On Becoming Baby Wise
(not a link). I am so glad to be having children with Keith. He seems to be so committed already to the idea and responsibility of fatherhood.
We've moved back to Va beach and are living with my parents which has been just amazing. Of course, we'd really love to be in our own place, but it just hasn't worked out that way. We've also been looking for a job for Keith, one with benefits and good pay. These things sort of keep me up at night because I get worried about how we'll survive once this baby is born. But I know, and it's been proven that God provides.
All I can think about is this baby and how much I love him already. I wonder what he'll look like, what his temperament will be, what he'll be interested in when he gets older. Who he'll marry. I can't wait!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Baby Brother II
Julia recently posted a blog titled Poor Baby Brother which you should read, it sparked an interesting notion in me that I feel is very relevant to today's young couple and to today's younger parents.
The post is originally about our younger brother Sam who has been criticized lately by our parents on his fashion sense and extreme concern about his image. Later in the blog, Julia brings up an interesting question, that I cannot help but address. She says,
"... i began to question how i would raise my kids. There are so many parents out there that allow their kids to discover life on their own. to do the whole piercing thing...to do the whole colored hair thing...to find their own faith and to embrace it. But as an adult...knowing that life would probably be less complicated if i just allow him/her do what they want...how do you make your kids understand the importance of order and instill the values that have gotten you through life just all right. in my opinion...style is less important than the condition of their hearts. what is truth to me and how much of that am i supposed to make my kid believe. am i supposed to make them? As a christian...how do i allow my kids to find it and make it real to themselves than just something their family believed in or something that i'm forcing down my kids' throats.
is it the amount of time you spend with your kids or is it how much you allow them to hang out with their friends? i don't think i would dress and act the way i do if my mom hadn't nagged as much as she did. i have a feeling in a few years, sam will thank her for stopping him from looking like a tool."
I thought about this question, and I've seen several examples of each type of parenting. There's the parent who force feeds every single truth about life down their child's throat. In the end, this child is usually the one who goes berserk and ends up going off the deep end. On the other hand, there's the parent who claims that their child is their best friend, "we do everything together, I let her have a drink if she's in MY house..." or "I let her boyfriend stay the night in her room because I trust her..." Which I feel is a totally unhealthy relationship and sort of insane. And then there's the parents who are sort of in between- trying to think about what would be easiest for themselves- how could I raise this kid in a way that will still allow me to keep my own lifestyle? Of course there are loads of parents in between.
Sam is a great kid. I regret that I don't know him as well as a I should, being away from home for the past 8 to 10 years and all...but from what I get to see every summer and Christmas, he is really great. He's funny, smart, talented, good looking, great with people, great with little kids, he understands humor, he Loves the Lord, I could go on and on. He and Julia grew up in a different "Ramos Era" than Arianne and I did. When Arianne and I were their ages, we were still playing kickball with lines of dirt in our necks (more like Sam's age, not julia's). We wore what was bought for us by our mother from the Navy Exchange- or hand-me-downs from ladies in the church or our Auntie Loida. We wore what fit and what we could find.
Our family is a family that is somewhat concerned with image. We like to dress nice because I think we feel nice. That is to say that I'm not sure I agree with Julia's idea that style is not really what matters, what matters more is what is on the inside. Yes, to an extent, but I think more that we dress the way we do because it is what is on the inside. If i feel great, i'll wear a dress and heels to work, if I'm in a foul mood, I'll wear a baggy t-shirt and mom jeans to the movies (not our mom but you know...'mom' jeans as a general statement). I don't have a problem with our family being that way, but I think we dress and look the way we do because there is a certain sense of pride that we have. I realize this may sound arrogant or what have you, but it's true. So not only is Sam growing up in a different "Ramos Era" but he's going through a stage that ALL people go through, the stage of awkwardness when you're constantly worried about how you look, or who your friends are, or what girl or guy likes you at the moment. He's just going through it in a heightened sense. He's our only boy, he's the youngest, and he's got Julia as an older sister! Julia- the Ramos family stylist.
Now, when it comes to the question of how I will raise my own children. I feel that the lifestyle of a parent should be included (as it has come to be in mostly christian circles) as a choice in the discussion of careers. I have high respect for women who proudly say "I'm a full time mother." That's the way parenting was intended to be, I believe in mothers staying at home with their young children. I believe in spanking a child when they do something wrong, I believe in family night, I believe in prayer and family devotions. I believe in house rules, I believe in do's and don't's. But i also believe, that if a child does not understand obedience and authority, all of these things will never happen. The child will not know the value of these things because they are not taught about them.
It may seem that my parents are telling Sam what or what not to wear...but they do it because they know in 5 months, Sam's gonna look back and say, "really?? a think band and a comb??" They also know what a respectable person looks like, or what THEY expect their son to look like. They have authority in this matter. They have raised him, disciplined him, fed him, cared for him, provided for him...as they did with all of us.
I think that children understand this sort of authority and obedience in the example that we give them in taking care of them. Parents have an obligation to take care of their children...the obligation is to the child, but it is ultimately to the Lord. John Piper gave a very convicting sermon about how "Marriage is for making babies...children of God." Yes, marriage is about being fruitful and multiplying, but its also about making more worshipers of Christ! When I think of that, I want to start having babies right away and raising them in the way of the Lord so that all of this stuff will be instilled in them. It may not make the road they travel smooth and paved with golden bricks or whatever, but I assume it would help. Loving your child in the way God intended will produce a healthy, thriving, biblical relationship. I know it's difficult to say, and I have no way of knowing the hardships of parenthood, because sadly, I am not yet a mother, but I truly believe this.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.- prov. 22:6
He may not see it now, but Sam has got it made.
The post is originally about our younger brother Sam who has been criticized lately by our parents on his fashion sense and extreme concern about his image. Later in the blog, Julia brings up an interesting question, that I cannot help but address. She says,
"... i began to question how i would raise my kids. There are so many parents out there that allow their kids to discover life on their own. to do the whole piercing thing...to do the whole colored hair thing...to find their own faith and to embrace it. But as an adult...knowing that life would probably be less complicated if i just allow him/her do what they want...how do you make your kids understand the importance of order and instill the values that have gotten you through life just all right. in my opinion...style is less important than the condition of their hearts. what is truth to me and how much of that am i supposed to make my kid believe. am i supposed to make them? As a christian...how do i allow my kids to find it and make it real to themselves than just something their family believed in or something that i'm forcing down my kids' throats.
is it the amount of time you spend with your kids or is it how much you allow them to hang out with their friends? i don't think i would dress and act the way i do if my mom hadn't nagged as much as she did. i have a feeling in a few years, sam will thank her for stopping him from looking like a tool."
I thought about this question, and I've seen several examples of each type of parenting. There's the parent who force feeds every single truth about life down their child's throat. In the end, this child is usually the one who goes berserk and ends up going off the deep end. On the other hand, there's the parent who claims that their child is their best friend, "we do everything together, I let her have a drink if she's in MY house..." or "I let her boyfriend stay the night in her room because I trust her..." Which I feel is a totally unhealthy relationship and sort of insane. And then there's the parents who are sort of in between- trying to think about what would be easiest for themselves- how could I raise this kid in a way that will still allow me to keep my own lifestyle? Of course there are loads of parents in between.
Sam is a great kid. I regret that I don't know him as well as a I should, being away from home for the past 8 to 10 years and all...but from what I get to see every summer and Christmas, he is really great. He's funny, smart, talented, good looking, great with people, great with little kids, he understands humor, he Loves the Lord, I could go on and on. He and Julia grew up in a different "Ramos Era" than Arianne and I did. When Arianne and I were their ages, we were still playing kickball with lines of dirt in our necks (more like Sam's age, not julia's). We wore what was bought for us by our mother from the Navy Exchange- or hand-me-downs from ladies in the church or our Auntie Loida. We wore what fit and what we could find.
Our family is a family that is somewhat concerned with image. We like to dress nice because I think we feel nice. That is to say that I'm not sure I agree with Julia's idea that style is not really what matters, what matters more is what is on the inside. Yes, to an extent, but I think more that we dress the way we do because it is what is on the inside. If i feel great, i'll wear a dress and heels to work, if I'm in a foul mood, I'll wear a baggy t-shirt and mom jeans to the movies (not our mom but you know...'mom' jeans as a general statement). I don't have a problem with our family being that way, but I think we dress and look the way we do because there is a certain sense of pride that we have. I realize this may sound arrogant or what have you, but it's true. So not only is Sam growing up in a different "Ramos Era" but he's going through a stage that ALL people go through, the stage of awkwardness when you're constantly worried about how you look, or who your friends are, or what girl or guy likes you at the moment. He's just going through it in a heightened sense. He's our only boy, he's the youngest, and he's got Julia as an older sister! Julia- the Ramos family stylist.
Now, when it comes to the question of how I will raise my own children. I feel that the lifestyle of a parent should be included (as it has come to be in mostly christian circles) as a choice in the discussion of careers. I have high respect for women who proudly say "I'm a full time mother." That's the way parenting was intended to be, I believe in mothers staying at home with their young children. I believe in spanking a child when they do something wrong, I believe in family night, I believe in prayer and family devotions. I believe in house rules, I believe in do's and don't's. But i also believe, that if a child does not understand obedience and authority, all of these things will never happen. The child will not know the value of these things because they are not taught about them.
It may seem that my parents are telling Sam what or what not to wear...but they do it because they know in 5 months, Sam's gonna look back and say, "really?? a think band and a comb??" They also know what a respectable person looks like, or what THEY expect their son to look like. They have authority in this matter. They have raised him, disciplined him, fed him, cared for him, provided for him...as they did with all of us.
I think that children understand this sort of authority and obedience in the example that we give them in taking care of them. Parents have an obligation to take care of their children...the obligation is to the child, but it is ultimately to the Lord. John Piper gave a very convicting sermon about how "Marriage is for making babies...children of God." Yes, marriage is about being fruitful and multiplying, but its also about making more worshipers of Christ! When I think of that, I want to start having babies right away and raising them in the way of the Lord so that all of this stuff will be instilled in them. It may not make the road they travel smooth and paved with golden bricks or whatever, but I assume it would help. Loving your child in the way God intended will produce a healthy, thriving, biblical relationship. I know it's difficult to say, and I have no way of knowing the hardships of parenthood, because sadly, I am not yet a mother, but I truly believe this.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.- prov. 22:6
He may not see it now, but Sam has got it made.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Musical Inspiration 2
FEIST WAS AMAZING ! i FINALLY got a chance to see my IDOL!
She gave such a well-rounded performance. Not only was i COMPLETELY taken by surprise by the power of her voice- the fullness, the range etc, and her skills on the guitar, it was also a beautiful show! She had these girls doing this artwork with light/overheads. Here's a video of mushaboom:
As good as the show was, we sort of had one of the craziest days of our lives yesterday... I took the day off so we could spend all day out there in dallas. We had planned to go see "Snow Angles" at the Angelika, but when we got there, we saw this:
so i had to do this:
wouldn't you?
Apparently, this was either the world premiere or a screening of the movie Expelled which opens this weekend. so we didn't actually get to see a movie. You should go see it!
Because we didn't get to see a movie, we decided to try and find something else to do. First we went to this mall, trying to kill time, but we couldn't spend money...so we try to just drive around to find something to do...we got lost, we ended up in the ghetto, we got sick from drinking too much Starbucks, Keith ran over a curb, there was traffic, we were driving around for HOURS and man it was CRAZY. but nonetheless, Feist made it worth it.
I need another day off!
She gave such a well-rounded performance. Not only was i COMPLETELY taken by surprise by the power of her voice- the fullness, the range etc, and her skills on the guitar, it was also a beautiful show! She had these girls doing this artwork with light/overheads. Here's a video of mushaboom:
As good as the show was, we sort of had one of the craziest days of our lives yesterday... I took the day off so we could spend all day out there in dallas. We had planned to go see "Snow Angles" at the Angelika, but when we got there, we saw this:
so i had to do this:
wouldn't you?
Apparently, this was either the world premiere or a screening of the movie Expelled which opens this weekend. so we didn't actually get to see a movie. You should go see it!
Because we didn't get to see a movie, we decided to try and find something else to do. First we went to this mall, trying to kill time, but we couldn't spend money...so we try to just drive around to find something to do...we got lost, we ended up in the ghetto, we got sick from drinking too much Starbucks, Keith ran over a curb, there was traffic, we were driving around for HOURS and man it was CRAZY. but nonetheless, Feist made it worth it.
I need another day off!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
clarification...
My previous post was in light of the events of my OWN life. I do not think that a pursuit of higher education is a bad thing. On the contrary, I still have a strong desire to get my masters, but not as strong as my desire to start my family.
What I really meant to say in my last post was that because of the transition Keith and I are about to face, and in light of the hardships that have been happening around us, I've been faced with the two "choices" to either start my family or continue in my education. And there have been so many things going on in my life around me that make me feel that starting a family may be what the Lord has for me in the near future- nearer than when I could possibly start my Masters. I look at Olivia and how big she's gotten and at Sam who is a completely different person, or Katie and Christie and what we've missed out on in their lives. Nana dying, our good friend's dad dying. And when I see all of these changes, and the suffering and the different things around me, I think I know what the answer is. The pursuit of my further education right now, in this season of my life would totally only be for me, myself, my own fulfillment. Whereas starting a family would probably be more meaningful and fulfilling to me. Not because I'd be a mother, but because this was the Lord's first commandment to man and woman. And I feel convicted in this because I thought for so long that having a baby would put an end to my career, or potential career. On the other side, I know that having a baby isn't the fix-all. It will totally change my life. It will put a new perspective on things.
I still have a strong desire to get my masters, but I think if I got it right now, the only reason I would would be because it was convenient, or because I felt I had to "seize the moment." I don't think the Lord would give me such strong desires for education, or such a talent and then never have me use those things. It's possible that God would allow me to do both or neither.
Please, don't get the wrong idea. Pursuit of knowledge is noble if it is the right knowledge and if it is for the glory of God. Someone could be a very brilliant brain surgeon and be a Christian, doing their job to the glory of God. I was merely saying that in my personal life, I think that the pursuit of a higher education at this point in my life would only be vanity, striving after wind. This may change in a few months, I'm sure that the answer will come in a steady devotional life- which I still struggle with. Because God does work all things out for good for those who love him. Loving him means keeping his commands. I know that if I pursue him first, everything else will fall into place.
What I really meant to say in my last post was that because of the transition Keith and I are about to face, and in light of the hardships that have been happening around us, I've been faced with the two "choices" to either start my family or continue in my education. And there have been so many things going on in my life around me that make me feel that starting a family may be what the Lord has for me in the near future- nearer than when I could possibly start my Masters. I look at Olivia and how big she's gotten and at Sam who is a completely different person, or Katie and Christie and what we've missed out on in their lives. Nana dying, our good friend's dad dying. And when I see all of these changes, and the suffering and the different things around me, I think I know what the answer is. The pursuit of my further education right now, in this season of my life would totally only be for me, myself, my own fulfillment. Whereas starting a family would probably be more meaningful and fulfilling to me. Not because I'd be a mother, but because this was the Lord's first commandment to man and woman. And I feel convicted in this because I thought for so long that having a baby would put an end to my career, or potential career. On the other side, I know that having a baby isn't the fix-all. It will totally change my life. It will put a new perspective on things.
I still have a strong desire to get my masters, but I think if I got it right now, the only reason I would would be because it was convenient, or because I felt I had to "seize the moment." I don't think the Lord would give me such strong desires for education, or such a talent and then never have me use those things. It's possible that God would allow me to do both or neither.
Please, don't get the wrong idea. Pursuit of knowledge is noble if it is the right knowledge and if it is for the glory of God. Someone could be a very brilliant brain surgeon and be a Christian, doing their job to the glory of God. I was merely saying that in my personal life, I think that the pursuit of a higher education at this point in my life would only be vanity, striving after wind. This may change in a few months, I'm sure that the answer will come in a steady devotional life- which I still struggle with. Because God does work all things out for good for those who love him. Loving him means keeping his commands. I know that if I pursue him first, everything else will fall into place.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Amazing Grace.
There has been so much going on in the past few days and weeks that although I may not have much to say, I felt I should really blog about it.
Times are changing. Pastor Tim gave a sermon on Sunday from Ecclesiastes ch. 1 & 2 about how worldly knowledge is meaningless outside of a relationship with the Lord. This has been something Keith and I have sort of been struggling with. Keith has been a little more outright with it, I'm sort of struggling with it quietly and to myself. Events have taken place in the past few weeks that have made us wonder what exactly we're doing out here in TX. What are the real priorities in our lives? What should our goals really be? King Solomon said that everything he had gained under the sun was completely meaningless apart from God. Wisdom or folly, all meaningless, striving after wind. It's like a song my voice teacher had me sing my junior year at Southeastern, "You can't take it with you, Brother Will, Brother John. You can't take it with you, Brother Will. You'll have to leave it when the coffin lid's on. You can't take it with your, Brother Will, Brother John." The wise man and the fool die alike.
All this to say...I don't know what my next step should be. I'm not sure why I want to pursue any sort of betterment of myself by means education, what good will it do me when I'm faced with really tough situations like what we've been dealing with here? When someone you love so much is hurting so badly or is so confused or unmotivated, or angry...what good is a Masters of Music going to do for them? What will it do for me if I'm the one hurting? As important as Seminary is to Keith, what about really ministering to those we love? The only wisdom that has any merit is knowing the Lord. Knowing his Word, knowing his comfort, knowing that he is stable, reliable, unfailing.
Everything that's been happening has just made me want to scoop up everyone I really love, put them in my pocket, move somewhere where we can all be together, and then start my own family. I want to really start living. Corny, but true. What the heck are we doing here? I'm working a tough job solely to pay bills, I don't feel fulfilled in it, I don't wake up every morning thinking I'm going to change a child's life. I've been slapped in the face with the cold reality that everything, apart from God is completely meaningless. And suffering for the sake of suffering itself- suffering without Christ -is hopeless. What can we suffer through which Christ has not already suffered? What meaning does our suffering have if we haven't an eternity with Christ to look forward to?
Not that I'm depressed, I'm just saying what I've been thinking and realizing over past few days. I feel that my perspective has changed. What I should be wondering is not, "What am I going to do next?" but "How now shall I live?" (no, i haven't read the book, but the title always made me think.) I want to live better, more fulfilled, more meaningfully. All of which are only possible through Christ.
God causes all things to work together for good for those who are in Christ. I think God is going to give me a chance to witness him proving his Word, not because he has to, but because that's who he is.
Times are changing. Pastor Tim gave a sermon on Sunday from Ecclesiastes ch. 1 & 2 about how worldly knowledge is meaningless outside of a relationship with the Lord. This has been something Keith and I have sort of been struggling with. Keith has been a little more outright with it, I'm sort of struggling with it quietly and to myself. Events have taken place in the past few weeks that have made us wonder what exactly we're doing out here in TX. What are the real priorities in our lives? What should our goals really be? King Solomon said that everything he had gained under the sun was completely meaningless apart from God. Wisdom or folly, all meaningless, striving after wind. It's like a song my voice teacher had me sing my junior year at Southeastern, "You can't take it with you, Brother Will, Brother John. You can't take it with you, Brother Will. You'll have to leave it when the coffin lid's on. You can't take it with your, Brother Will, Brother John." The wise man and the fool die alike.
All this to say...I don't know what my next step should be. I'm not sure why I want to pursue any sort of betterment of myself by means education, what good will it do me when I'm faced with really tough situations like what we've been dealing with here? When someone you love so much is hurting so badly or is so confused or unmotivated, or angry...what good is a Masters of Music going to do for them? What will it do for me if I'm the one hurting? As important as Seminary is to Keith, what about really ministering to those we love? The only wisdom that has any merit is knowing the Lord. Knowing his Word, knowing his comfort, knowing that he is stable, reliable, unfailing.
Everything that's been happening has just made me want to scoop up everyone I really love, put them in my pocket, move somewhere where we can all be together, and then start my own family. I want to really start living. Corny, but true. What the heck are we doing here? I'm working a tough job solely to pay bills, I don't feel fulfilled in it, I don't wake up every morning thinking I'm going to change a child's life. I've been slapped in the face with the cold reality that everything, apart from God is completely meaningless. And suffering for the sake of suffering itself- suffering without Christ -is hopeless. What can we suffer through which Christ has not already suffered? What meaning does our suffering have if we haven't an eternity with Christ to look forward to?
Not that I'm depressed, I'm just saying what I've been thinking and realizing over past few days. I feel that my perspective has changed. What I should be wondering is not, "What am I going to do next?" but "How now shall I live?" (no, i haven't read the book, but the title always made me think.) I want to live better, more fulfilled, more meaningfully. All of which are only possible through Christ.
God causes all things to work together for good for those who are in Christ. I think God is going to give me a chance to witness him proving his Word, not because he has to, but because that's who he is.
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