Baby Brother II

Julia recently posted a blog titled Poor Baby Brother which you should read, it sparked an interesting notion in me that I feel is very relevant to today's young couple and to today's younger parents.

The post is originally about our younger brother Sam who has been criticized lately by our parents on his fashion sense and extreme concern about his image. Later in the blog, Julia brings up an interesting question, that I cannot help but address. She says,

"... i began to question how i would raise my kids. There are so many parents out there that allow their kids to discover life on their own. to do the whole piercing thing...to do the whole colored hair thing...to find their own faith and to embrace it. But as an adult...knowing that life would probably be less complicated if i just allow him/her do what they want...how do you make your kids understand the importance of order and instill the values that have gotten you through life just all right. in my opinion...style is less important than the condition of their hearts. what is truth to me and how much of that am i supposed to make my kid believe. am i supposed to make them? As a christian...how do i allow my kids to find it and make it real to themselves than just something their family believed in or something that i'm forcing down my kids' throats.

is it the amount of time you spend with your kids or is it how much you allow them to hang out with their friends? i don't think i would dress and act the way i do if my mom hadn't nagged as much as she did. i have a feeling in a few years, sam will thank her for stopping him from looking like a tool."

I thought about this question, and I've seen several examples of each type of parenting. There's the parent who force feeds every single truth about life down their child's throat. In the end, this child is usually the one who goes berserk and ends up going off the deep end. On the other hand, there's the parent who claims that their child is their best friend, "we do everything together, I let her have a drink if she's in MY house..." or "I let her boyfriend stay the night in her room because I trust her..." Which I feel is a totally unhealthy relationship and sort of insane. And then there's the parents who are sort of in between- trying to think about what would be easiest for themselves- how could I raise this kid in a way that will still allow me to keep my own lifestyle? Of course there are loads of parents in between.

Sam is a great kid. I regret that I don't know him as well as a I should, being away from home for the past 8 to 10 years and all...but from what I get to see every summer and Christmas, he is really great. He's funny, smart, talented, good looking, great with people, great with little kids, he understands humor, he Loves the Lord, I could go on and on. He and Julia grew up in a different "Ramos Era" than Arianne and I did. When Arianne and I were their ages, we were still playing kickball with lines of dirt in our necks (more like Sam's age, not julia's). We wore what was bought for us by our mother from the Navy Exchange- or hand-me-downs from ladies in the church or our Auntie Loida. We wore what fit and what we could find.

Our family is a family that is somewhat concerned with image. We like to dress nice because I think we feel nice. That is to say that I'm not sure I agree with Julia's idea that style is not really what matters, what matters more is what is on the inside. Yes, to an extent, but I think more that we dress the way we do because it is what is on the inside. If i feel great, i'll wear a dress and heels to work, if I'm in a foul mood, I'll wear a baggy t-shirt and mom jeans to the movies (not our mom but you know...'mom' jeans as a general statement). I don't have a problem with our family being that way, but I think we dress and look the way we do because there is a certain sense of pride that we have. I realize this may sound arrogant or what have you, but it's true. So not only is Sam growing up in a different "Ramos Era" but he's going through a stage that ALL people go through, the stage of awkwardness when you're constantly worried about how you look, or who your friends are, or what girl or guy likes you at the moment. He's just going through it in a heightened sense. He's our only boy, he's the youngest, and he's got Julia as an older sister! Julia- the Ramos family stylist.

Now, when it comes to the question of how I will raise my own children. I feel that the lifestyle of a parent should be included (as it has come to be in mostly christian circles) as a choice in the discussion of careers. I have high respect for women who proudly say "I'm a full time mother." That's the way parenting was intended to be, I believe in mothers staying at home with their young children. I believe in spanking a child when they do something wrong, I believe in family night, I believe in prayer and family devotions. I believe in house rules, I believe in do's and don't's. But i also believe, that if a child does not understand obedience and authority, all of these things will never happen. The child will not know the value of these things because they are not taught about them.

It may seem that my parents are telling Sam what or what not to wear...but they do it because they know in 5 months, Sam's gonna look back and say, "really?? a think band and a comb??" They also know what a respectable person looks like, or what THEY expect their son to look like. They have authority in this matter. They have raised him, disciplined him, fed him, cared for him, provided for him...as they did with all of us.

I think that children understand this sort of authority and obedience in the example that we give them in taking care of them. Parents have an obligation to take care of their children...the obligation is to the child, but it is ultimately to the Lord. John Piper gave a very convicting sermon about how "Marriage is for making babies...children of God." Yes, marriage is about being fruitful and multiplying, but its also about making more worshipers of Christ! When I think of that, I want to start having babies right away and raising them in the way of the Lord so that all of this stuff will be instilled in them. It may not make the road they travel smooth and paved with golden bricks or whatever, but I assume it would help. Loving your child in the way God intended will produce a healthy, thriving, biblical relationship. I know it's difficult to say, and I have no way of knowing the hardships of parenthood, because sadly, I am not yet a mother, but I truly believe this.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.- prov. 22:6

He may not see it now, but Sam has got it made.