This is a picture of what Indy and I usually look like throughout the day. He in his Jammy jams and me just looking rough.
I feel like I have several confessions to make...1/4 of my readers has deleted his blog so he's just going to miss out on the goods.
I have somewhat missed a life that starts every day with showering, dressing and make up-ing. I feel like that sort of life was easier because there was routine. I had to be at certain places at certain times. I had x number of minutes to eat lunch and then would be home at a certain time every day. I feel like now my days are sort of random, revolving around the alternate 'king' of my universe. Like McCarthy's saying, "Each the other's world entire." Indy is my life right now, and I'm pretty sure I'm a big chunk of his.
We've been talking about my return to work. We've just been in the rut for so long that if something doesn't change soon, we'll be on the fast track to destitution. I'm trying to find a job that has the least amount of responsibility as possible. Something where someone else can fill in for me if I can't make it to work that day, where nobody depends on me. I'm trying to avoid teaching and full time anything all together, but I feel like if I did work full time, it would be better for us.
My problem with working full time may be unwarranted. I find myself doubting that I'm doing a good job with Indiana. I feel like I'm impatient and get frustrated easily. I feel like if I were able to stay home with Indy, I would get more practice with him, I would get used to him, learn what he really needs. One of the problems with living in a house full of family members is that you don't get the privacy to struggle through your issues. I'm always worried that a family member will look at me during one of Indy's cry-fests and think I'm a bad parent. I mean, I love my family, but when you're trying to raise your own, its difficult to be living with your "old" family.
I keep praying for the Lord to show us his will, to help us to have patience and to give me extra grace to get through my days here at home. I love the Lord, He is always doing amazing things for us. I just need a lot of help.
