There has been so much going on in the past few days and weeks that although I may not have much to say, I felt I should really blog about it.
Times are changing. Pastor Tim gave a sermon on Sunday from Ecclesiastes ch. 1 & 2 about how worldly knowledge is meaningless outside of a relationship with the Lord. This has been something Keith and I have sort of been struggling with. Keith has been a little more outright with it, I'm sort of struggling with it quietly and to myself. Events have taken place in the past few weeks that have made us wonder what exactly we're doing out here in TX. What are the real priorities in our lives? What should our goals really be? King Solomon said that everything he had gained under the sun was completely meaningless apart from God. Wisdom or folly, all meaningless, striving after wind. It's like a song my voice teacher had me sing my junior year at Southeastern, "You can't take it with you, Brother Will, Brother John. You can't take it with you, Brother Will. You'll have to leave it when the coffin lid's on. You can't take it with your, Brother Will, Brother John." The wise man and the fool die alike.
All this to say...I don't know what my next step should be. I'm not sure why I want to pursue any sort of betterment of myself by means education, what good will it do me when I'm faced with really tough situations like what we've been dealing with here? When someone you love so much is hurting so badly or is so confused or unmotivated, or angry...what good is a Masters of Music going to do for them? What will it do for me if I'm the one hurting? As important as Seminary is to Keith, what about really ministering to those we love? The only wisdom that has any merit is knowing the Lord. Knowing his Word, knowing his comfort, knowing that he is stable, reliable, unfailing.
Everything that's been happening has just made me want to scoop up everyone I really love, put them in my pocket, move somewhere where we can all be together, and then start my own family. I want to really start living. Corny, but true. What the heck are we doing here? I'm working a tough job solely to pay bills, I don't feel fulfilled in it, I don't wake up every morning thinking I'm going to change a child's life. I've been slapped in the face with the cold reality that everything, apart from God is completely meaningless. And suffering for the sake of suffering itself- suffering without Christ -is hopeless. What can we suffer through which Christ has not already suffered? What meaning does our suffering have if we haven't an eternity with Christ to look forward to?
Not that I'm depressed, I'm just saying what I've been thinking and realizing over past few days. I feel that my perspective has changed. What I should be wondering is not, "What am I going to do next?" but "How now shall I live?" (no, i haven't read the book, but the title always made me think.) I want to live better, more fulfilled, more meaningfully. All of which are only possible through Christ.
God causes all things to work together for good for those who are in Christ. I think God is going to give me a chance to witness him proving his Word, not because he has to, but because that's who he is.
2 comments:
elise, i love this post. i'm very glad for you that you're coming to this realization! i feel like i'm kind of on the opposite side, having already thought (immediately after high school) that any further education, pursuits outside of God would be meaningless - but now desiring the deeper understanding and education to "round me out" i guess?
maybe that didn't make sense.
anyway, awesome post.
Good post. The balance to the view that all things (especially knowledge outside of the Lord is meaningless) is found in Eccl. 2. Pastor Tim emphasized that pursuing knowledge is a worthy goal. Seminary has prepared me, given me things to say to people who are hurting or in need. I shudder to think of some of the things I had to say to people before Seminary. Even though the knowledge that I am pursuing is theological in nature I still crave knowledge that might be considered "outside of God". How to write well, filmmaking, etc. The last few weeks have affected my perspective, but it makes me crave knowledge even more that way when I am with people I love I can be more than just a warm body. Love you.
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